The monsters unfold in more sinister versions. They have specific shape and face and name, and they come at me directly instead of lurking in shadows. Unspeakable Things happen; the innocent are contorted and broken and I am tasked with stopping it. But to stop it, I must observe and then do Unspeakable Things to the monsters in order to vanquish them and the darkness presses and the tears threaten and my eyes don't want to see but they see they see they keep seeing.
Until with a start my eyes are open in the darkness of my room because Madeleine has pushed the door open to crawl into bed, snug between me and her dad. She sits and waits without saying a word for me to lay my arm out so she can lay on top of it, and I can pull her in close and we snuggle. She's my sweetheart, my light, she's keeping the monsters at bay just now, thankfully.